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I know it's wasteful, silly, and you may not agree

 We have VERY few options to get a new handicapped accessible home at all (easily or not) for us to move to . I keep racking my brain on smaller and more obscure towns in Washington we could move to, hoping houses will be cheaper. I am not seeing too much that would work, and certainly not much we can afford. I have a plan that's silly: I want to go buy every lotto ticket I can find that looks promising and pray I win. I know it's wasteful, silly, and you may not agree, but with just one retirement check and a few art projects of mine etc to sell there aren't options for us to afford to move. If you have any pull up in heaven Dad would you please use it and help us win the lotto? I don't want nor need to be wealthy. I'll buy a house and furnish it, and then give the rest away. I'd help Jodie and Colleen, Sandi and Eric (and yes Dee too, regardless she is my sis). Just please...if you have any pull in heaven help us move. Please dad. I love you and miss you. I do...
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The long drive

 I've never really owned a car. Well that's not true, my mom gave me her car...she gave it to me when I had no license or anywhere to put it so it got towed repeadtly, and I had no money to get it out. Now i am 49 years old, and you have left all of your kids funds in your will. For me I am using it to pay bills and buy a car...but not just any car, and electric one. Somehow i think you'd be pleased by this, and I really REALLY wish I could drive it up to your house and watch you take it for a test drive. But I don't get that.....somehow though I hope you'll be along for the ride
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Hi Dad

 I just had the strongest urge to call or talk to you...not like you are gone, but like you're right here. Maybe you are...I don't know
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Why not?

 I think of him often. I frequently want to pick up the phone or e-mail him...but I can't, so I'm just going to write to my dad here...after all there's no proof he can't see what I'm writing...so why not? So sometimes this blog will be for me, but sometimes it'll be my post office to heaven
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He was here

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 My dad died. He died November 9th, and I thought I was fine, but like crashing waves grief runs into me on a regular basis.     After his death my sister mailed me his vintage camera collection so I could sell anything I didn't want and keep what I did. I thought reaching the end of the sales process would magically cure my grief; Spoiler alert, it didn't. My dad was in my life daily until I was around 12 and once my parents divorced I saw him but not on a steady basis. We kept in touch, but sporadically. Over the years after he remarried his wife pushed thousands of time for my dad to stay more in touch with us all...but it was always a one sided reach. I'd reach out and we'd have a great conversation, but he'd never try calling me himself. I just don't think it occurred to him to do so.  There is one camera and one lens left to sell....the rest are all listed or already sold. The remainder shall stay with me until my passing. In researching them I keep wantin...
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